Look what’s on the housing market

Inaccuracies about / stories from my former Brooklyn shithole:
-The place is in the heart of bed-stuy, not east Williamsburg.
-The landlord is a rich, jewish leatherdaddy, and not an artist.
-The superintendent is a weird old black guy who shows up in the building about once a month, and once asked me to help him hammer his doorknob off his door because he thought a man was living in his closet.
-At one of our regular underage drinking parties, a kid fell down our fire escape and cut his head open.
-Gothamist once featured a picture of my room mate doing coke in the apartment.
-A swat team raided our neighbor’s house in a huge drug raid right after we moved in.
-Two detectives walked into our apartment at 5:30 AM with an arrest warrant for our former room mate. They found drugs in every room, as well as massive amounts of stolen goods including several audio bibles. They acted disappointed and left after searching the house.
-One time we spent 3 hours helping a drug dealer pry open a closet in the lobby because he accidentally locked his weed in there, and said we could have half if we got it out.
-We ran an illegal tattoo parlor out of our living room for several weeks. Somehow a cup of tattoo aids-blood ended up on my windowsill and someone threw it at people below on the sidewalk at a party.
-My room mate left his car parked illegally for three days and forgot about it. When we finally went to check on it, a window had been broken, the stereo, seats, speakers and pretty much everything you can strip from a car had been stolen.
-The police shot and killed a young kid one block away from our front door.
-Aside from not being in Williamsburg or Bushwick, this apartment is in a racially segregated ghetto surrounded by projects on all sides. The local economy is supported entirely by guns and drugs.
-For the whole year I lived here, I routinely got harassed for being white in the street, and my black friends were called race traitors.
-And as a side note, there’s no lock on the front door, most of the electrical outlets are open with exposed wires, and armed burgulars once ripped the door to the roof off its hinges and climbed in one of our bedroom windows.
-Also, we briefly adopted a pitbull off the street who pissed and shit all over this apartment for months. We cleaned it by pouring bleach on literally everything.

912 gates RIP:

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